Words Really Do Hurt
I recently had a situation that brought back some feelings that quite honestly I thought I had moved past. As kids, we are taught the old saying “Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Perhaps this was developed to help to teach us to deflect and my favorite “not take things personally.” But really WORDS DO HURT!
When I say words hurt, these include the unspoken or the ones not said directly to you, but leaving you feeling sad, empty and not worthy. As I mentioned in a previous post, it was the words used by my gymnastics teacher that made me feel good and like I belong. There are the words of encouragement I received from my hubby as I was going through my health journey. The cheers he shouted as I crossed the finish line of my first 5k. These are the words I try to hold on to when I speak to myself.
Unfortunately, it’s the words that hurt that tend to be what’s stuck in my head. In middle school, and even high school, it was the “playful teasing” of my eyes. Newsflash, I have big eyes. These big eyes were the center of many cruel remarks. The favorite of the time was “Frog Eyes.” Michelle and her big Frog Eyes. Because of this, I worked very hard to hide my big eyes. Dark eyeliner, and thankfully, 80’s big hair, in my mind, hid those big Frog Eyes. Middle school/Junior High are some of the toughest times we experience in life. While I was picked on for my eyes, in some respect, you could say it was karma coming back at me. It was in Junior High that I found myself caught up in a not so nice situation where in fact, I was the one speaking the hurtful words.
Words have also kept me from pursuing ideas and making those big leaps. It seems harmless enough when a person shares and idea they would like to pursue to say “Why would you want to do that?” or better yet, “Are you sure your cut out for it?” Sure, it can allow the person to dive deep and really formulate their desire and make sure they are ready, but for me, it says, “you’re not good enough for ….” This has happened more times than I can count including when I started my health journey. When I started to share what I was doing, quite a few said, “why would you do that.” “That sounds awful.” Perhaps they were projecting what they were afraid of and don’t have the strength to do. It’s words like this that take away from the encouragement people often need.
In every job review I’ve had since I started working at age 14, supervisors/bosses have said, “You take things too personally and need thicker skin.” Yes, I take comments made to and at me personally. This comes from my need to be perfect and up until the last few years, my need to be liked. It is part of who I am and always have been. I do try to take criticism as an opportunity to improve but the words often used are personal. There are ways to acknowledge a need for improvement and where changes can be made without putting the person down in the process.
Which brings me back to a recent experience. There are times, more than I really care for, where in my position, I experience hurtful words that are not constructive but are directed to hit at me and bring me down. There are also those words used to seem innocent enough, really put me in my head thinking I’m not doing enough working towards my goals. These incidents immediately put me in my head. Instead of celebrating achieving a new strength goal, or the fact that I really do have something to share, all I wanted to do was stay in bed and feel as if I’m not as strong as I can be. While in one of the cases, I’m sure the person doesn’t know that the words they use towards others make them feel bad.
Today, during yoga, I set my intention, but today was different. Today, I took all that I felt from this experience, and instead, I spoke to myself kindly: “You are amazing, smart and you will achieve your goals.” I also put in my mind the positive words I heard this weekend, “Thank you!” While it’s nice to hear that from others, it’s more important to say to yourself. Words matter! Whether they are words coming from others or words you say to yourself, they matter. I’ve been taught to filter my words and work to speak diplomatically. Not everyone has liked or agreed with this, but I do this to carefully choose how my words are used. My inner Aries would love to unleash at times, completely unfiltered, but words matter. What are the words you say to yourself? What are the words you need to hear? Take some time and change your words to support you and others.
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