Fear: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger an instance of this emotion; a state marked by this emotion; anxious concern : solicitude reason for alarm : danger
Anxiety: Anxiety is the mind and body's reaction to stressful, dangerous, or unfamiliar situations. It's the sense of uneasiness, distress, or dread you feel before a significant event. A certain level of Anxiety helps us stay alert and aware.
We all experience anxiety and fear at different points in our lives. It is often said that fear can be motivating, or it can be crippling. It’s our minds that get to choose. In the book “98.6 Degrees the Art of Keeping Your Ass Alive” by Cody Lundin, he discusses the body’s response to fear. The initial response can be lifesaving, however, when the mind misperceives fear, it actually can be life threatening. The reason for this lies in the fight or flight response. Your heart rate increases, you have increased cardiac output, higher blood pressure and increased blood sugar. This, in turn, creates a tsunami of issues. When the threat or fear is perceived and not real, you are now in danger. “If you are scared, you will die.”-Richard Van Pham.
When I was a kid, there was nothing I wouldn’t climb. I’d often find a tree or end up on my parent’s roof. I was a gymnast with the beam always being a fun challenge. I was a cheerleader all through high school and college. Flipping 20-30 feet in the air, relying on three guys to catch me; being held by one foot and standing on top of human pyramids. However, somewhere along the line, I became very uncomfortable with heights and developed a fear of falling. This fear, at times, has kept me from achieving goals and stopped me dead in my tracks.
This past September my husband and I decided to celebrate our 23rd anniversary by hiking up Mt. Democrat. Mt. Democrat is one of Colorado’s 14,000’+ peaks at 14, 154 and it was a nearby peak that has eluded us for years. Democrat is considered a Class 2 “moderate” hike/climb. No technical equipment needed. For one reason or another (usually weather), we just couldn’t make it happen. This year was different. We felt strong and healthy. We prepared our packs the night before and got the necessary sleep. That morning, we left the house for the 20-minute drive at a time we felt would be about right. First mistake, we underestimated the popularity on the average Sunday for the trailhead at Kite Lake. This trailhead accesses routes to four 14,000’+ peaks. All of which can be achieved in one day if you wish. This in addition to several adventure youth groups put us a good trek down the road from the start of the trail. No biggie let’s go.
We started our trek at 12, 000’ in the meadows and shadow of Democrat, Bross and Cameron. Lincoln is just out of view. The first half mile is a moderate climb with an easy trail to follow. For us, managing our speed became a challenge. In any hike, maintaining a proper pace is key. Go too fast and you’ll burn out quick. Mistake number two, “I don’t remember the saddle being this far away and this much of a climb.” With 10 years separating our first hike in these mountains to this hike, we created a story in our minds that didn’t include this much of a struggle. The hike/climb to the saddle is at 13, 400’. Time for a break and evaluation of how we’re doing. At this point in the hike, I will say, I was filling pretty good. We rested for a bit, and I worked to mentally prepare myself for my first big test of fear.
When you leave the saddle to start the climb towards Democrat, there is a substantial boulder field. This overlooks a drop off to the north. Insert, my heart is racing. I ditch the use of my poles, for the moment, and find that my functional backcountry pack is not great when I have to bend over. Why am I bent over? FEAR! In my mind, that “drop off” to the north was right there and I was terrified of falling off the boulders. My way to work through this was to crawl up the rocks. I will say I wasn’t the only one struggling but for many, it was just big stairs and I’m sure I looked a bit out of place. Luckily, this is just a short up and once we got through the boulder climbing, we were back on track. Remember above when I mentioned the effects fear and anxiety can have on the body? Well with my heart rate up, I was quickly approaching fatigue. We barely got through the boulder field, and it was time for a break. At this point, I recognized, that I needed to bring my heart rate down. I peeled a layer, changed my beanie out for a cap and took a few deep breaths. From here on out, it was a mental game.
Whenever I’m running or even working out, it helps me to do a count or a countdown. This not only gives my mind something other than distance to focus on, but I know that if I do “X” number of steps, I can then make a choice to take a break or press on for more. The next large climb to was to the false peak. Mistake number three, underestimating the amount of climb/boulder field involved to the false peak. We started out doing 100 steps. At 100 steps, we could rest or decide to go for 100 more. 100 steps don’t sound like a large amount but when you are ascending up and stepping up continuously, 100 steps can feel like a lifetime. We progressed up the mountain 100 steps at a time, sometimes going to 200 but as time went, the trail narrows. Exhaustion started creeping in despite breaks. As the trail narrowed and zigzagged up, my mind created a vision of falling down the side. At one point, I was taking a break and had to mentally tell myself over and over, that I was not at risk of falling. There were no cliffs and I stopped in safe spots, out of the way of other hikers. The issue with creating this vision in my head, is it created a perceived threat and one that the further up we went only increased.
As we climbed, I kept looking up to the false peak. I’d then look down the slope to the east and out into the vastness of the valley. Being at that elevation has some amazing views. Unfortunately, for me, this pushed my fears. My heart was racing, and the 100 steps were at times only 50 before having to take a break. At one point, we stopped in a little corner of a switch back. My legs felt like lead. I was sweating despite the 40-degree temps and I could not slow my heart nor my breath. At this point, Kevin looked at me and said, “we need to be real here and decide if you can make it to the top.” With that my heart sunk. We had worked for this for so long and the last thing I wanted to do was give up. I looked back up at the false peak trying to envision what it would take and then back down the slope, reminding myself, it’s a slope, not a cliff. Did I have what it takes? The doubt and potential disappointment were real. Then he said this: “We only have 300 more steps to the false peak and then it’s a dog walk to the top. Can you do 300 more?” Remember the counting? That’s three sets of 100 with three breaks (if needed). Deep breaths, a bit of water. Yep, let’s go.
A little over 300 steps and we were at the false peak!!! While not the summit yet, it was the best feeling. All my fear, anxiety and doubt stood in my way but here I was. For those that say, it’s a dog walk to the top from the false peak, congratulations, I will kindly disagree. It wasn’t a boulder climb and once at the top, a kiss and a hug celebrated a huge accomplishment. We spent some time at the top to enjoy the views. I found a seat right in the middle, away from edges where I could take in the views and breathe. We then headed back down, crawling again in the boulder field before the saddle and the wave of relief and excitement overwhelmed me.
The climb up Democrat pushed my limits as far as I could go at that point. I faced the fears, anxiety and pushed on. The experience has taught me a few things. First, when faced with a challenge, is the challenge you are facing one that is real or one that you have created? With any challenge, you are most likely going to face fears and create a bit of anxiety. Real challenges, allow for preparation and thought. Perceived/created challenges don’t allow for preparation. You have developed a story and vision in your head that isn’t there. This has the domino effect which could put you at risk. When the body is in a constant state of fight or flight, it affects all aspects of your health. The metabolic process, circulation, judgement, fine and complex motor skills. The physical symptoms are increased heart rate, dry mouth, muscular tension, sweaty palms, butterflies in your stomach and dilated pupils. The psychological symptoms are denial, helplessness, confusion, panic, sadness, hallucinations and sleeplessness. * This isn’t something that only happens on a mountain, ocean or remote area. This can be developed at work. You worry about x, y, z and your mind creates a worst-case scenario. This creates anxiety and fear about whatever situation you’re in.
What can you do? STOP! BREATHE! REGROUP! For me, when I was ready to give up, I had to do exactly that. I had to calm my mind and body and realize that everything I was afraid of, I created in my mind. I often share on my Machete’s Creations pages, “The body won’t go where the mind doesn’t push it.” Your mind is the one thing you have to convince. Do this and anything is possible. Ask yourself today, if you could convince your mind to achieve something big, what would it be? For me, I now know that overcoming that fear of Mt. Democrat, I have the strength and ability to push past my fears everywhere.
Thanks for following.
Slainte
Miche
*“98.6 Degrees The Art of Keeping Your Ass Alive” by Cody Lundin
P.S. In addition to this book, I recommend checking out National Geographic’s show “Limitless” with Chris Hemsworth for some more insight on fear and anxiety.
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