Genetics, Loss and Lessons
I originally set out to talk about the weight loss cycle and whether or not obesity is something you’re born in to. To an extent this will still be discussed but recent events in my life have shifted how I wish to share my thoughts. On February 19th, my mother passed away after a yearlong battle with ALS. Watching her slowly lose her ability to walk and care for herself was hard to see. My mom and I had a challenging relationship. Fact is I was closer to my dad and often found myself very annoyed in speaking to her. Despite any annoyance I would call and check on her frequently. My brother was the one who would travel from his home in Los Angeles to be with her and he tended to handle most items for her. I found it was easier to not get involved and avoid the argument. Odd to say, but yesterday was Saturday and my mom and I spoke every Saturday since I went away to college. I didn’t call on the Saturday that she passed for reasons that seem very petty now and I’m left wishing I had the opportunity to be annoyed by one of our conversations.
So, what does this have to do with my journey, weight loss and genetics? For as long as I can remember, my mom was on a “diet.” When I was in elementary school, I can remember she had lost quite a bit of weight and made sure everyone knew of her great accomplishment. It was my mom that started me focusing on “weight.” We would get up early in the morning and workout to Richard Simmons. She would weigh herself and then turn and ask me “what do you weigh?” I was 9 at the time. My focus on body image stemmed much from how my mom viewed her own body. This is something that always stuck with me. When I gained weight and struggled with my body image, I would avoid the topic of weight with my mom. Many times, this would manifest itself in her buying me clothes that were too small. Maybe she still had the vision of the tiny version of me or maybe it was her own way to motivate me into losing the weight. Regardless of what her intentions were, most often, it left me feeling like a failure. In recent years, as I’ve lost the weight, my mom came back to that familiar question “what do you weigh?” Even in the last few months of her life when she was in the hospital for an extended period, I would visit, and she would ask what the nurses wrote down for her weight. She was losing weight and to her that was an accomplishment. Unfortunately, she was losing weight because lacked the strength and desire to eat the necessary calories and be active.
When we talk about weight and genetics, there are the scientific answers. Yes, to some extent, genetics plays a role in our weight. So does lifestyle, environment, and overall health choices. Weight at times may be affected through genetic diseases. For me, genetics has a different meaning. Genetics in this context refers to information passed down through generations. When we are young, our views on health, exercise and nutrition are taught to us from our parents. Living here in the mountains, I see very active, healthy parents and their kids tend to be very active and healthy. Conversely, I see families who don’t have the access to healthy foods and activities. They themselves struggle with health and weight, which in turns reflects on their children. To be clear, I’m not saying this is their fault, it’s simply an observation of circumstances.
I’ve said it in previous blogs that growing up, my view of healthy was skinny and tied to weight. This was my mom’s view. She focused so much on weight that she failed to see the difference between her weight and her health. If I look back at my grandparents, aunts, uncles, great grandparents, cousins, I can see where weight plays a role in the family line, but I can’t say that it’s genetic through science. Instead, I would equate it to nutrition and tradition. Many of my mom’s family come from the UP of Michigan. Land of “Food equals Love.” Both my grandparents were what I would call healthy. They both worked the land and ate what really was good nutritious food. They also didn’t overeat. They ate what they needed to sustain their health. The “genetic” equation came from times when it was felt that to be healthy, you had to have a bit of round to you. My husband refers to this as the “protective layer.” This has been passed down through the generations as “healthy.” My mom was raised that way as well. At some point, this changed and being skinny and low weight was key for her. She was worried that she wouldn’t fit in or be liked if she wasn’t skinny. This was the message I was given and followed for many years.
I often hear people say, “it’s in my genes” or “it’s part of my genetics and there’s nothing I can do.” When referring to the scientific reasons for a specific health trend, this may be true. However, if it is referring to the genetics of information, this is absolutely false. While I did carry the weight and luggage of my mom’s views on health, I have been able to set that luggage down and change my destiny. I could’ve looked at both my mom and dad and their relationship with health and weight and resolved that would be how it would turn out for me. Instead, I’ve taken the time to learn proper nutrition; rediscovered my love for exercising and decided that I’m going to work on feeling good and not just looking good. In the process, I’ve learned that by taking care of my health, all those insecurities and fears surrounding weight have disappeared. It’s built my confidence and strengthened my voice.
As I look back, I can’t help but wonder if I had found this journey sooner, maybe I could’ve helped my parents, especially my mom with their issues around health and exercise. At the end of the day, I will never know but I can use the lessons I’ve learned and my own experience to help others. My advice, take time to review your “genetics” and see if there is a suitcase of information that needs to be set down. Focus on your health and find ways to share that message for future generations.
Sending you all love and hugs!
Miche
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