I’ve been trying to write this blog for the better part of five months. The fact is, I have so much to say, I don’t know what to say. This past March I turned 50. Yes the big 5-0! While saying 50 out loud seems weird, somehow, it’s not at all what I thought it would be. Growing up, if someone said 50, I had visions of wrinkles, slow pacing and dreams of retirement. Alas, reality doesn’t match this childhood image. Aging is a part of life. As kids we can’t wait to celebrate another birthday and adults will celebrate the fact that we are getting older and bigger. As we’ve grown up, birthdays have become more about, YEAH I made another trip around the sun and I’m still here experiencing this thing called life. So why is it so hard to talk about the changes that come about with age?
As children, we attend numerous physical education classes and health classes that gradually prepare us for the changes our bodies will experience in our teenage years, and what to expect. In college, I took a class on parenting, funny I know but it was a credit. The class covered pregnancy, birth and motherhood. As a young female, I went to doctors for annual exams, birth control and because my mom was a nurse, the never-ending talk. There are documentaries and books galore that prepare women for motherhood. I would argue there should be books on how to be a female who choses not to have a family surrounded by a society that doesn’t relate, but I digress. Everything gears us for this time in our lives, but what no one talks about is what happens after. What happens when your body is no longer in fertile mother mode and is changing into that next stage? Even worse, when you bring it up in conversation, you are looked as if you just opened pandora’s box with the plague. Men, become very uncomfortable and most women quickly change the topic. WHY?
I’ve had older female friends that would at times bring up having a hot flash. To me this was the extent of menopause. No more periods, and the occasional discomfort of a hot flash that you could kind of joke about. Women, if you haven’t hit this stage in your life, trust me, there is much more. A little over a year ago, I went on a girl's trip with some friends I hadn’t seen in way too long. One of my oldest girlfriends that I’ve known since kindergarten had started the change. She was pretty casual about it and didn’t talk about it other than the hot flash and her “boob rag”. By the way, it’s a great idea and I hope she is able to get to market. This was my cue to understand, well it’s coming for all of us and sweet, I may be able to be done with my IUD. At that point I wasn’t there and being a late bloomer, didn’t expect I would be any time soon. Two months later, BAM! Holy hell, what the F is this? I’d be lying if I said it came on gradually. It didn’t and at first, I didn’t fully acknowledge what I was experiencing. Then one evening while chatting with a friend, I realized this was it. I will give full credit to my friend Becky for not only listening to me whine but also to being the only person willing to talk about it. Things were changing and changing quickly. Becky’s advice: “It sucks! Get some Estroven. You’re going to need an undershirt and be prepared to want an anti-depressant.” WHAT?
So she’s not wrong. What has this experience been for me in the year since? I don’t so much want an undershirt in fact, I want as little touching my skin as possible (most of the day). I’ve tried the Estroven, eh. Weight gain! Yep, here’s something NO ONE discusses but when brought up, everyone will acknowledge. You will gain weight. It will be immediate, and out of the blue. Becoming a crazy person. I’ve not gone down the road of anti-depressant but I can most certainly see why you would want it. You feel like you are losing your mind. Your focus becomes non-existent and there are definitely visions of becoming the comic book character Harley Quinn and feeling okay about it. Then there’s the hot flash. It’s more of a hot wave. I’ve described it as dressing up to go skiing on one of the coldest days of the year. You put all of your gear on, layer efficiently to ensure the cold doesn’t get in, and then go lay in a tanning bed for the next hour. They are mostly random, especially in the middle of the night and at times for no reason whatsoever. The best part of all of this when I ask if this is normal?.....Yep.
So, this is normal. I’ve noticed over the last year, my social media ads have increased with “this will help blast that menopause weight,” “we’ve got your solution for those hot flashes.” I’m not sure if this is coming up because all of a sudden Gen X is hitting this age and not going quietly into the night but finally, I feel it is getting some recognition. We prepare all our lives to give life but never for the next phase. I’ve decided I won’t be quiet about the discussion and openly joke about it. Recently, in one of my health groups some women brought it up. They all say their doctors just tell them it’s part of life and here’s a pill. No real acknowledgement of what is going on and, in my case, my doctor is very nice but 20 years younger than me and no clue other than what a book says. I’m not a big pharmaceutical pill taker so I’ve been researching other ways. In this group, some suggested homeopathy as a solution. I’ve recently met with a lady, and I’ve started some Chinese herbal medicine as well as acupuncture. She is the first person to look at me and say, I’ve got you. The plan is to first calm my body and mind down and work to bring it back into balance. It’s only been one session, but I already feel better. Hell, I’ve finally sat down to write this out😊
I’m not sure if this is going to be the silver bullet or if I’m going to need an arsenal, but what I will say, is talk about it. Aging is a wonderful thing that not everyone gets to experience. We are at a point in our lives where we get to impart our knowledge. We have an opportunity to break the cycle of silence on aging and to celebrate how truly remarkable we are. So celebrate and let’s keep the conversation moving!
Cheers!
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